The Two Year Shift

Oh baby do I have a doozy of a blog burning at the tips of my fingers.

I’m going to direct you all to an Instagram Reel I made - maybe a month or two ago. It’s about this pattern in my life I noticed years back about tight groups of friends & even communities I belonged to.

I’m going deeper with that thought here & now, so if you wanted to get a base for what I’m going to dive into - click my Insta link at the top or bottom of this website & find my Reel about friendship.

Lets Begin

I woke this morning thinking about how my life has shifted so so very much in the last three months.

Let’s start with what I was up to at the end of summer…

I was finishing the garage community space when I made that reel about shifts in friendships. In this moment I was on top of my world. I felt like a lighthouse of information. Like nothing could stop me.

It had been about one and a half years of running a community I started based on freedoms from masking & lockdowns here at our homestead. Life was gooooood.

I then made a video speaking of a truth I had.

A few weeks go by and I find out I hurt a bunch of friends & that there was expectations that I had no idea about - placed upon me.

During this time I also had a hiccup in my marriage & not too long after I found out I was pregnant. Super shock as our kids are 7&9.

Life as I knew it died. Just completely fucking died.

I’m sure you know those moments right? Living larger than life, being a magnetic force & focusing on it all.

I look back and I have no idea how I was juggling community events here at my home, homeschooling, marriage life, taking care of extended family, dog sitting & photography business.

I guess when it aligns - it doesn’t feel like a lot.

Depression

Just before I found out of was pregnant I totally devolved into my stressed out state.

If you follow the enneagram - that would be a 5.

The first knock was knowing I caused pain with my close friends while also holding on to the truth that people can take my words personally even if it wasn’t about them.

It was a hard line to hold.

I became a hermit physically & mentally. Which is funny because before this all even happened I was telling everyone I was going to be a hermit as winter rolled in. Hmmm.

I totally called this all in. Just didn’t realize my life was going to completely crumble around me.

At this point if I was seeing or talking with anyone it was super safe and supportive friends that I trusted.

A turning point at this stage was seeing through an idea I had about a small group of people getting together to do Tarot & Tea.

I haven’t done many group healing sessions such as what took place that night in a long time.

I felt safe as we did a tarot spread and just spilled my guts out. My cosmic card? DEATH!

Death to Krystal

Yup. Death. I was ready.

I’m not sure if the hiccup with my husband happened before this but let’s just say the perfect storm was brewing to reevaluate my entire existence. HAHA. Perfect timing right?

In bed. Not doing a damn thing.

Completely opposite of the bubbly Krystal I’ve gotten to know over the years.

I mean COMPLETELY OPPOSITE.

It definitely could have been a mix of those first trimester hormones but let’s just say - I was in for the pause of my life.

The nectar during this time was the connection to my girls. We watched movies, we ate in bed, we read stories & of course lightened my load of work during this time so I could completely feel it all.

This is growth - baby!

This happens to me every few years.

I have now been made aware.

I woke up this morning and I was like wait - it’s not just friends who shift. My ENTIRE BEING calls for growth every few years.

EVERY FEW FREAKING YEARS I AM ASKED TO GROW.

no no no.

More like - I AM PUSHED OFF A FREAKING CLIF TO EITHER SINK OR SWIM.

Sometimes I decide to sink for a few days or in this case three months.

Then I remember I have legs for kicking & I start to swim. I look up & see a friend or two with hands stretched out to welcome me back to land.

I shake it off, thank god for my problems & learn to accept my situation by learning lessons, integrating truth & flying higher to see the view from the top. Only to do it all over again sooner then I think.

It’s the medicine wheel y’all!!!!

The medicine wheel of life.

It has taken me months to be open about this all.

Acceptance - that is what leads me to hope. Hope reminds me of what it’s like to be an open vessel. To truly be free from expectations & live a life I am proud of.

Hope is knowing that I will magnetize the people & situations straight to me as I plan for a home birth.

Let’s face it. If my life majorly shifts every few years - life as I knew it would completely shift as well. Not to mention values. What are my values now that my focus is different? What will come to fruition as an open vessel now?

& don’f forget growth! Folks are either going to grow with us or grow separately and possibly come back together in the dance of life.

Let’s finish this off with some truths because what else do we have when we are stripped down to nothing?

OUR TRUTH.

I am a well. I am a deep dark well.

I am the sun. I am full of bright light.

I will shine again.

Hope has been restored.

Cheers to life.

XOXO