Helping My Kids Navigate Their Friendships
I’m totally in a writing mood.
Today I hopped on FB quick before the hussle of getting the kids off to their day program. I happened upon a short video clip of Brene Brown talking about our inner flame.
It was focused on mentoring kids who were starting to have solid friendships. Probably around 7-10 year olds.
Of course I can’t find it now but I will share my perception and a spur of the moment talk I had with the girls this morning.
She talked about how we have or we are a flame. Those around us will either fan our flame or blow it out.
yooooooo - I needed this language.
All four of us have Mercury in our first house. Super interesting if you are into astrology. Although… Tony and mine is retrograded. Which to me means we have a lifetime of learning communication & language skills. I mean who doesn’t - but it’s just more highlighted for us.
So I am about this. ha
I don’t know about other people’s children but mine tell me everything. Every little detail and conversation. How it made them feel. Who is crushing on who… ect. I love it.
I always joke and say I have the tea on everyone.
I also know this is a gift to treasure. My kids feel safe telling me details of their lives.
It is nice sometimes to have a little lesson to mentor them on because the amount of conflict I hear about is enough to send a person over the edge.
I’m totally here for it though.
On today’s car ride I mentioned this video talk I watched this morning.
I said - picture yourself as a flame. As you walk around with your flame bright and strong - there will be those around you who will fan your flame & support it & then there will be those who dull your flame & blow it out.
I also mentioned when you feel your flame start to dull and go out - that we might not feel the best around these people. Our bodies might give us hints about that & maybe we choose not to hang with them as often or never. I mean who wants to hang with someone who laughs at them or makes fun of what they do?
I know I don’t surround myself with these types of people.
Or in my case I let that other person know that I don’t like how they speak to me or whatever conflict happens to arise - I make sure to bring it up. I say this a ton to the kids when they have their own conflict with their friends. I believe it is important to bring up our hurt to the other person. (This is definitely another layer though & takes practice & even confidence in our own feelings.)
Immediately they bring up one friend who we have been having conflict with for awhile now.
These conversations do get tiring but I usually just listen. That is all children or adults are looking for anyways. Today was a talk through it kinda day.
Quinn my sweet girl - I have come to know feels a lot. She notices energy shifts. She knows when she is welcome immediately. She just feels fully.
She starts off by bringing this one friend up who she said blows her flame out and lists specific times that don’t feel the best when around her.
Ryleigh immediately goes into defense mode because this is her good friend. She starts to defend this friend and say it’s not possible that she does these things.
I love this part - secretly. haha
I cut in. I said - there will be people out there that will treat you a certain way & will then treat your sister a certain way. I added - just like there are folks out there who treat daddy differently than me.
& that we can’t disregard someone’s feelings - honestly no matter what.
This was probably a 3 minute conversation in the car but the best ones are.
In conclusion - do your friends fan your flames or dull them out?
How does it feel to be around certain people?
How are WE to our friends? - oh this is a good one.
Such an important topic for anyone really but I love setting my children up for success & having open conversation.
I have come to figure out in my adult life - I am a friend to all. Sometimes I am very involved and fanning everyone’s flames. Other times I need my own flame fanned. I will say - I have made it a habit to let those around me know when I have conflict with them. This has made life so much easier. I spent my childhood scared to speak my truth with close family & friends - It’s probably the worst feeling ever.
I know how I want to feel around those close to me & keeping that in balance is important in order for me to be at peace & feel free.
& you never know - it could just be a misunderstanding or miscommunication. That is why we talk about it.
I could go on forever with this topic - so thanks for reading today’s thoughts on communication & friendships.
