The War on Girls & Boys

Ok - so I got inspired within the first 6 pages of this book I discovered at the library.

Lately I’ve been quickly paging through any book that has been catching my eye. Mostly because I have a 3 month old & sometimes being quick is a thing.

Also I want to read parenting books now that I’ll be raising a new babe a decade after my first born. Lots of books out there seem to be redundant or old info.

I picked this book up titled - The Boy Crisis and immediately I'm turned off by the title. I look for the release date and see it’s not too long ago so I decide there’s probably a reason why it repulses me - I check it out.

We get home and decide to just hang outside to read.

Between one child saying - hey watch my backbend about 100 times and the other reading spooky stories out loud… I made it to page 6. I was shook. Even though it is about the lives of boys and the generational changes, it made me think of my own upbringing & what I learned through my mom from my own perspective as a girl.

I learned that a woman doesnt need a man to make it in the world.

I learned that a woman is strong enough to take care of the problems that might arise.

I learned that marriage is unnecessary & you can just leave or divorce if times get tough.

I learned that a woman can raise children on her own.

I learned that a woman can do anything she wants in this world.

I paused and looked out into the distance to soak in all these lessons I learned from my childhood that have followed me right to this moment. Some subconsciously - some not.

A thought floats in from the other night when the kids asked why don’t I go to work.

“Why does daddy only go to work.”

I snapped y’all. Like ugly snapped. Because what the heck. I work my ass off too.

Now I realized - I snapped because I was raised by a single mom who did everything for me.

That shaped me in a lot of my beliefs.

It didn’t even matter to the kids that I do work and have multiple jobs that are at home. They wanted to know why daddy only left the house to work.

Tony was great he said - we are team, so we are able to live this way.

Of course this is just my take from the first few pages of this book.

It makes me wonder with that childhood perception and carried weight of my mother if all along i’ve always carried the energy of - I can do it all on my own.

That maybe I haven’t been full on in with our marriage in certain ways. Like in the back of my head if shit hits the fan - I’ll be fine. I know I will but it’s definitely a different energy.

I’d like to release and change the lens and soften. Soften for our children. They do need to see we are a team.

& more importantly feel it.

Happy I picked this book up.

The more I read last night the more my own lessons with the generation I grew up with seem so clear.

It makes sense why men don’t even know how to approach a woman these days. We grew up in the age where a girl could grow up to be anything she wanted.

Intelligence went from 11th most valued with a woman seeking a mate to the 4th most valued trait.

Women can build houses & mow lawns & cook dinner too. Why have a man around?

We can joke all we want but - it’s true.

Men were raised to make the dough. To support the family. To do the hard labor.

So what now?

& that is where I think this book is going. It’s super interesting. Especially now that I am raising a boy.

When a shift needs to happen - there’s a good chance it swings to both extremes before it balances out. There will be a balance. I can see it already.