The knowing
I don’t know what I did before I started listening to that little voice of guidance.
I can tell you the first time I really started to truly listen was when I needed to leave my abusive ex.
I hit rock bottom.
Feelings of not wanting to go back.
Time had stood still for a moment & I was left with a choice.
Continue to try and make it work or demolish my already crumbling foundation and build a new.
That was the day I left.
That was the day I choose me.
I landed on a thought - life with freedom was a life worth living & that was not possible here.
That single thought was the spark I needed to get moving.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend it was easy to start listening to my knowing.
That took years & by the time I actually listened - my body was screaming, begging & pleading to leave.
At that point it was no longer just a whisper.
Next came trust and bravery.
Trusting that no matter what - I would be held.
I would be held in protection and love.
As for bravery?
Well that comes from acknowledging the knowing inside myself. Finding the truth of the situation and setting it free. No longer being held captive by what-ifs and could have beens.
Setting all of it down and walking away.
After that life took for me a major ride.
I met my soon to be husband.
Literally the day after.
I heard others talking - saying I’m rushing into a relationship and not allowing myself to heal. In those moments I learned to trust myself & again - my knowing.
We soon had two little girls together & I started hearing whispers of schooling my children at home.
I listened to my body say…
Keep these babies close - you have everything already inside you to raise them.
I listened & I dived deep into a major deathing and transformation of self.
My perception was changing. Almost like I was given a new pair of eyes.
I knew I was ready but dang - did it have to be so hard?
I questioned everything the world had been feeding me since I was a little girl - basically my entire life up until that point.
Nothing was assumed sacred anymore until I tore it down with my bare hands and pieced it back together in my own way.
This was my way of moving forward into the life I wanted to create. The life I imagined.
I still continue to listen to my guidance because honestly how could I not? Looking back those whispers + my trust & bravery got me to this point.
You could call this a knowing or intuition - whatever it may be.
An idea is placed in my body, I feel it, I sit with it & I don’t waste anymore time to get busy.
Of course - not all ideas are born.
The choice is ours. We can choose to go for it or not to.
This is my story of learning to trust my own knowing with bravery.
I find it harder to stay in a place of indecision. So I have made it my job to tune in.
This journey will have walls and blocks and all the things stopping us from going forward.
I will choose to listen until I find truth.
Listen until I can no longer listen & have to move forward with my feet.
